


What you mean to me

by KimTanAnukite



Series: Monsta x One Shots [11]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: 2won, Angst, Bebegom, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, HyungWonho - Freeform, Idols, Light Angst, M/M, Sad Chae Hyungwon, Sad Lee Hoseok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-19 16:29:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20660249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KimTanAnukite/pseuds/KimTanAnukite
Summary: They both knew dating was different for them, two Korean male idols.. but why was it so difficult between them?





	What you mean to me

The music event finished, the idol groups waving their goodbyes to their fans and walking backstage ready to change into more comfortable clothing.

Some members of Seventeen were walking besides Monsta X, chatting and planning to hang out after their managers gave them green light to leave. Both groups had win and were more than ready to celebrate, their leaders trying to hear everyone's opinion as where they should head to.

Hyungwon felt someone wrap their arms around his waist and pressing their lips to his ear, "congratulations on your winning, beautiful."

He turned his head to see his boyfriend smiling eyes. "Hoseok, you startled me," he laughed nervously, looking around for anyone who could have heard what the older said.

"Do you want to go and celebrate with them? Or.. should we make something up and excuse ourselves?" He suggested, still not letting go of the thin man.

"Hyung," Hyungwon stated with a firm tone, unwrapping himself from Hoseok, who looked at him, rolling his eyes, both following the others to their dressing room.

After they took a picture and a short video thanking monbebe for their winning, they dressed with casual clothes and headed out towards their van. At the end they were all going to a restaurant along with most of the Seventeen members, some staying back for personal matters.

It was more like a private bar where they could all chat and drink without anyone taking pictures of them, but it was still full of people around them.

Hoseok sat beside his boyfriend, discretely grabbing his hand under the table and looking around with a pout. The taller noticed this and smiled, pressing himself a bit closer to the older. Their food arrived and so did their drinks, the atmosphere changing up; they sang and laughed, some of them standing to go to the dance floor.

Hoseok was all smiley while slightly hugging the model, Kihyun sweetly looking at them, knowing the older was holding back so the other group wouldn't notice their relationship. It made him sad that they couldn't enjoy those moments in public, so he got up from his seat and took both their hands. "Let's go to the dance floor, come on Minhyuk!" He also invited the sunshine of the group so they could pretend they were group dancing.

The four of them made their way through the people that was already dancing, quickly catching up with the song. They were jumping and dancing in a small square when Vernon, Jun and Jeonghan joined them, the rest of the members still chatting at the table's area.

Suddenly the music changed to a much calmer one, not a ballad but not a group dance song; the boys laughed and joked around, some grabbing one another as if to dance like partners.

"Babe," Hoseok called, placing his hands on Hyungwon's waist, the latter hesitating before wrapping his upper arms around his boyfriend's neck. Although the others were joking he knew their moment was actually genuine, and couldn't help that unsettling feeling at the bottom of his stomach.

He tried to let go of his hold again but the older pulled him closer. "Please, don't go away, just... not yet."

"Hyung."

"Why? No one will notice, let me just.." Hoseok closed his eyes with a frown and leaned his head closer, "I just wished I could kiss you right now."

Hyungwon could see how upset the other was. He also wished he could kiss him right there and then and just dance, but he knew they couldn't. "I know, Wonho," he sighed, "but this is not the place for it."

"It should be," Hoseok said, getting away from the tall singer, walking back towards the rest of the boys.

He followed close behind, noticing the looks he was getting from Minhyuk and Vernon.

"Wait!" Hyungwon grabbed the other's arm and turned him round so he could face him. "I know this is hard, I have to contain myself too, but we knew this could happen when we agreed to do this," he pointed between them.

Hoseok's attention was now on their feet and he nodded before raising his head, "I know, but this doesn't... this is harder than I thought."

They stared at each other for a moment before Hyungwon motioned towards the dance floor, inviting him to go back, but Hoseok shook his head and returned to the table.

That night back at the dorm they went to their separate rooms without kissing goodnight.

The following week was full of schedule, most of them individual activities apart from the vocal and dance practices, also Hoseok would spend his free time at the gym or studio, while Hyungwon was signing a small contract with a model company.

Kihyun was cooking for everyone when the older got home, straight to the bathroom to take a shower. The main vocal had seen that behavior repeating lately so he took out a pot to boil water and prepare some ramyeon for him apart from the group's meal.

He turned off the stove once everything was ready and walked towards Hoseok's room, the blond haired wearing a short and oversized hoodie, hugging his bebegom while staring at the wall in front of him.

Kihyun came and silently sat beside him wrapping his arms around his strong shoulders—that soon started to shake both of them. The younger's heart broke at the small sobs, the older was just so sensible but had acted so firm this last weeks, there was just so much someone would be able to hold back.

"I made you ramyeon, come on Hoseokki." He gently ordered, cleaning the other's tears while trying himself not to cry at his frown and puffy red eyes.

Changkyun and Jooheon arrived just in time for Kihyun to serve them food too, so the four ate in silence, Changkyun placing pieces of beef on his hyung's ramyeon every now and then. Once they finished the maknaes invited him to watch something on the living room so the three of them sat at the couch and played a movie after Kihyun brought them popcorn.

They fell asleep soon but the blonde noticed when the door opening and heard the rest of the guys entering the room. Kihyun had wrapped the three sleeping figures in a blanket and soon came to greet the others, telling them to be silent since they were asleep. But Hoseok noticed how Hyungwon walked directly towards the kitchen, and after eating he did so again, he walked directly towards his own room; he didn't come to kiss him goodnight as he used to.

They finished the interview and most of them flew to the snack table as if they had never been fed. The interviewer was a cute girl that kept flirting with the two older members, but lost interest once she saw they had their eyes focused in the food more than in her.

Hoseok came to Hyungwon and grabbed a cookie from the plate he had just fixed for himself, eating it with a smile while looking at his boyfriend.

"Pretty curves she has, doesn't she?" Hyungwon asked, placing on his plate more food he wasn't really planning on eating.

"Sorry?"

"The girl, the noona that wouldn't take her operated eyes away from you."

Hoseok chuckled, "are you jealous?" his smile disappeared when the younger didn't answer. "Wonnie, you know I don't even swing that way anymore."

"Why not? Since me?" The plate and food were now abandoned on the table's corner. "You used to so how would I know."

"Because I love you."

There was a long silence before Hyungwon answered. "That is a big word."

"I know.. and still is not enough to make a relationship work."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Hyungwon crossed his arms with a frown.

"That I can't keep loving the idea of us dating when we barely have been dating for the last month."

"You know we can't-"

"Bullshit!" Hyungwon's eyes opened wide, uncrossing his arms to try to calm the other down. "No, I am tired of keeping quiet, I am tired of being the last one you hug after an award ceremony because you don't want to draw attention to us."

Hyungwon didn't answer but his frustrated look made it impossible for Hoseok to continue.

"I am not the bad guy."

Hoseok shook his head, "I know you are not and I don't mean to make you feel like it, but sometimes I feel as if you were trying to hid me; sometimes I even feel you don't want me to kiss you in front of the guys."

The younger wouldn't look him in the eye, his frown only growing deeper, both unable to continue the discussion with the knots that had formed on their throats. Hyunwoo had been observing from afar but approached them just when their manager called them to go back to the house.

"Let's go guys."

"Maybe this was a mistake," Hoseok said with tears pooling in his eyes.

"No," Hyunwoo said looking at them with a worried expression only to be ignored.

Hyungwon's face turned stone cold in a second as he nodded, "maybe it was."

"Guys, please."

"Maybe we are..." Hoseok turned to the leader. "I'll go with the maknaes, you guys can ride on the other van."

"Hoseok," the leader tried again but decided better to follow the model who was walking towards the first van.

On the way to their place, the maknaes were hugging a tearing Hoseok.

They avoided each other as much as possible during the first two weeks after their break up, but it was getting harder with the comeback preparations. It was also getting difficult for the group to see them depressed, each one in their own way.

Hoseok would workout earlier, produce at his studio longer, and stare at the wall while hugging bebegom later into the night.

Hyungwon was intensely working with the modeling company since Starship had allowed him to do this individual project before the comeback, but he would sleep more than usual, and talk less than usual.

It was a free weekend night when Minhyuk shared in twitter an old picture of the both of them, one he had taken in the first week of their relationship. The thousands of notifications they were getting caught their attention, Hoseok saw it while working out the next morning and Hyungwon saw it while a noona was fixing his hair for a runway.

Both stared at their cellphones for a minute before calling Minhyuk, but the boy didn't answer to neither of them.

"Minhyuk!" Kihyun screamed at him once he saw the picture. The twit had 'cute' as caption, and it showed Hyungwon and Hoseok holding hands while sleeping at the couch of a backstage dressing room.

"Sorry but someone had to do something," he answered shielding himself behind the kitchen's table.

"How exactly is this going to help?"

"Maybe one of them will realize how stupid it was for them to broke up. They both are suffering and you can see how much they miss each other."

"It is their problem to solve."

"Yes but maybe they are too stubborn to-"

They heard the door opening and closing, in seconds Hoseok entered the kitchen looking at them with huge puppy eyes.

"It was me."

"Hyung?" Kihyun asked, walking around the table to hold his hand, smacking Minhyuk's head when passing by him.

"It was me who ended us."

They waited patiently for him to speak, not wanting to forcing him into explaining for fear of making him cry.

"I was pressuring him into hiding less in public, I know and knew at the time what having a relationship like this would imply, but it was getting just to much for me... There were occasions where all I needed was for him to hold my hand or stand besides me, but I started to get greedy, I wanted to hug him in public, to have more dates.."

They didn't hear when the door opened, but he had heard everything that the older was saying.

"I pushed too far, I made a promise to him, to go slow, give him space, to restrain myself when necessary, but you know me, I can screw things up very quickly.." Kihyun was caressing his hand as Minhyuk stared at the table feeling guilty, making his hyung cry wasn't his intention. "I just.. I need him, I need him back even if I only hold his hand on the van and kiss him goodnight, I don't need anything else, I won't be greedy again if he ever accepts me back."

"Hyung-" Kihyun started, not really knowing what to say.

"Don't give yourself all the credit," the model's deep voice announce his presence entering the kitchen.

The three of them glanced at him, he still had the makeup and hair done for the runway along with a pained expression.

They stared at each other almost without blinking, Minhyuk and Kihyun left the room soon. They sat at the table side by side, but no words were shared for a long moment.

"I am sorry, I.. tried to deny you, more than necessary; but nothing has ever made me feel so wrong. I thought I was protecting us, protecting you.." Hyungwon murmured sitting sideways to face him, "but I lost you."

"You didn't. You will never loose me."

"That's why I am here.. I hope you understand my reasons, and I know I let you down but I'm never gonna make that mistake again."

Hoseok was crying at this point, furiously cleaning the tears from his face and shaking his head. "I am sorry too, I shouldn't have insisted so much, I made my promise too- sorry I just keep crying all the time."

"Don't hold back, you don't have to with me." He leaned forward to wrap his long arms around his hyung, "I never wanted to make you feel so small, you are everything to me, I can be so much better when you are beside me."

"You do make me feel like I am myself when I am with you," Hoseok stated, placing his forehead on the younger's shoulder. "And I just want the world to see what you mean to me."

"Take my hand," Hyungwon said firmly.

The older sat back on his chair and took the hand his boyfriend was offering. "What are you doing?"

"The world will see it, but right now I only need you to know it, to know that I sincerely think you are the one for me, that this is right."

They walked towards the balcony upstairs, the sky was clear with stars and the air was cool.

"I never meant to say we were a mistake, the only mistake was to say that," Hoseok said hugging the model's waist from behind. "Are we back together? I can't wait anymore, it was so painful to see you and just walk pass you, I never felt so wrong with myself."

Hyungwon laughed and turned around on his arms, placing his hands on the older's cheeks and pulling him close enough for their noses to brush.

"Do you think bebegom would let me sleep on your other side tonight?"

They laughed and Hoseok closed the short space to kiss him.


End file.
